01 Sep Brenda: Attitude is Altitude

She was little for seventh grade, but her size was deceiving. She walked right up to me and said, “You know my sister Elizabeth and how smart she is…well I’m smarter.” That kind of boldness was evident at an even younger age when Brenda (age 8) with her 3 sisters and mother walked for a few days to cross the Mexico US border with a coyote (paid guide for an illegal crossing). The family was in a group and the group helped each other. When her mother was exhausted carrying the one-year old, the men in the group would take turns helping with the baby and the four year old sister as well. The planned journey did not go as planned and at one point an unknown man to them but approved by the mom, drove them halfway to Virginia where they met their father en route to go the rest of the way. As she tells it, her sister Elizabeth has not enjoyed eating at McDonald’s to this day since her first meal in the states was at McDonalds. Elizabeth who was 12 had become very anxious at the whole odyssey, the walk through the desert, the strange men helping with her two younger sisters and now this heavy food landing like a rock in her very empty stomach.

However, Brenda saw it differently. She was glad for the help from the nice men and she knew her dad would figure out how to get them from Arizona to Virginia when plans fell through. She liked her burger from McDonald’s. Additionally, after settling in Virginia, she loved going to school. She was bright and young so after a few years, she placed out of the ESL program. But with respect and admiration for her older sister Elizabeth, she took her advice and when she entered high school, she convinced the authorities that she still needed supplementary ESL help. Elizabeth had strongly endorsed the ESL high school program that featured double blocking of critical subjects. Brenda believed she was assured success with this extra help.

Unfortunately at the same time that Brenda was formulating plans for her happy academic life, she became aware, because of the national focus at that time, that she did not have legal papers, that she was an undocumented immigrant. The previously opened doors to an unlimited future slammed in her face. But to her great credit she laid that tragic revelation aside for four years and graduated still smiling with a great GPA.

Then came the hard part of finding a job without the proper documentation. She did find work and was always honest with her employers about her citizenship status. Her first job was working in a day-care center, then a few restaurant jobs, even rising to the status of manager at one. Employers found she had a great attitude, she worked well with customers and staff and she could be counted on to arrive on time and work her assigned days.

Then came DACA, the Dream Act, and gradually it seemed doors would be opening up to her again. Her jobs improved tremendously and so did the pay. At the same time she found a life’s mate following the Twitter account of a good friend, and she and Jonathan married about 4 years later. He had a good job with a large construction company and fortunately they could access health insurance when their son Adrian was born.

The Blue Cross insurance was stretched to the limit as Adrian was born with an extremely rare heart condition. Instead of 4 heart valves, he had 3. In his first year, he required 2 operations: the first at birth, the second 6 months later. There would need to be a third later on but the prognosis from the first two was very favorable.

Adrian is now 3 years old and his mother and father make a huge effort to treat him normally and to ask relatives, especially his young cousins, to do the same. Sunday dinners with the whole family, including the other sisters and their children, are a weekly event. Although Brenda admits that she and Jonathan have seen Adrian’s activity level decline slowly over the last half year, they see their young son refuse to be picked up and carried when looking exhausted.

At a recent regular checkup the doctors have decided that the third operation is needed soon. A team of doctors studying his condition believe that it is Adrian’s only hope to reestablish blood that has been interrupted by a membrane blocking the flow from the heart to his now non-functioning left lung. Brenda’s optimistic interpretation of her son’s condition is evident when she points out that Adrian is on the charts with his weight at 5% in comparison to peers. She stresses that, “he is on the chart.” She continues, “He eats like a horse” and all his other cognitive and physical signs are evidence of an otherwise normal, healthy child.

Although the stress of the last three years has been tremendous, the young marriage is strong and thriving. The couple is thankful for the continuous and strong support of family. She says that she and Jonathan have learned that no one can truly understand their daily anxiety but that leaning on each other, she tells Jonathan with a smile, that they will survive and will continue to enjoy each day with their son.