09 Sep Thing 1 and Thing 2

As mothers we would all agree that we sometimes make poor decisions.  But most of those are either quickly forgotten, or forgotten after some time.  However, there are a few that will stay with me forever.  Admittedly, the children were very young so I would have time to make up for these maternal lapses.  My bright idea, that did not turn out as well as I had anticipated, originated from the need to travel from Tacoma, Washington to Barre, Vermont.  I had two children and our income from my husband’s military paycheck did not in any way permit us to fly first class with a nanny.  So after much research I found a flight across Canada; we would need to drive up north three hours to catch the flight and drive down south three hours to see my family.  I thought it was a brilliant solution and it saved us a lot of money.

In my (now-questionable) wisdom I booked a midnight flight from Vancouver, British Colombia to Montreal, Quebec.  The children were 2 1/2 and 11 mos.  They would sleep for at least 5 hours, then be refreshed after the 3 hour ride home from Montreal to Barre, VT, our family home and final destination.  Unfortunately, the trip did not start well.  I had a mild case of conjunctivitis, and my 11 mos old was on medication for an ear infection.  In those olden days, we carried the bottle of antibiotic liquid with us; it needed refrigeration and the airline staff was accommodating by putting it on ice.  Thing One and Thing Two had been really active before boarding and I thought it was a good sign that they would settle in and drop off to sleep in no time.  I had purchased a ticket for Kristen, the 2 1/2 year old and ordered a baby cot that attached itself to the bulkhead for JD where he could blissfully sleep until we landed.

JD loved the cot right away.  In his mind it was a 5 star piece of gym equipment for somebody his size.  He would shinny up on it lifting one chunky leg at a time, and jump down in my lap.  He did this over 1000 times I think, but I admit I didn’t count.  Their favorite part of the trip was the food, not because they were hungry but because of what you could do with food besides eat it.  JD standing on my lap could nestle a piece from most of the five food groups into the hair of the gentleman sleeping in the seat directly behind us.  The completely unsuspecting victim had tragically leaned forward to sleep resting on the back of our seat.  The logistics were no match for an active toddler.  And although it was happening inches from my head, between my pink eye and exhaustion, I was pretty much unaware until it was too late.

All in all most of the passengers on that flight seemed to sleep well except probably the handful around us.  They had seen the food salad incident early in the flight and fought to keep one eye open as the children kept up playing mostly physical games.  At one point the airline attendant said to me in an unusually undiplomatic tone, “Mrs. Cain, can you please control your children.”  That was the gist of it I think because by this time, blame it on the recycled cabin air, my one pink-eye was mostly shut and oozing.  I was fighting my own battles.

Hours later Thing 1 Kristen had completely exhausted herself  running between the forward cabin and the bathrooms in the back of the plane. The sleepy passengers really appreciated she was now quiet, curled up and sleeping in the aisles sort of near where her seat and mother were.  They gingerly stepped over her for some time, careful not to disturb or re-energize the small human tornado she had been.  Finally, with a collective sigh of relief, passengers heard the good news from the pilot as he announced our first stage of descent.  Well, glory be, both the children were asleep; JD in his pr0per hanging crib and Kristen in the aisle.  I pulled her chunky little legs (gently) back to our row and her seat.

We landed without further incident.  I never took another red eye flight again, with or without children.