13 Jan Tayeb: A New Profile in Courage

Photo:  Tayeb and son

They had to move quickly after receiving the intercepted message that their house would be  bombed that night. Mohammed was a target as a high-ranking general in the first war against the Russians, then the civil war against the Taliban.  He put burkas on all the children, three girls and four boys. He also gave Tayeb, the oldest boy at 12, an M16 to hide under the vast robe. There were no casualties that night. When the bomb blew up the house they were several hundred miles away.  They safely evacuated from Afghanistan to the United States as refugees with diplomatic paperwork.

I met Tayeb when he was 14 and a transfer from another northern Virginia high school.  His calm exterior and obvious good sense of humor endeared him immediately to his classmates, most of whom were from Latin American countries.  They liked his looks, kind of reminded them of their Catholic roots; they called him Jesus Christ. He played right along with them. He did well during school time in his classes; outside of school he did little class work.  His English language was impressive for the short time he had been here, about 1-2 years, so he took English 11 a year early. He ended up taking English 11 two more times to pass the course because the workload for that class needed work outside of class.  Not his forte.  

One year Tayeb and family invited his English teacher and me to dinner.  My teacher friend Marian remarked how delicious the Afghan food was. We had the privilege of being able to compare, that was our third invitation to a home dinner from our foreign students in about 10 days.  She wondered if we had missed hearing the declaration for, “Feed Your Teachers Week.”

At that dinner I asked Tayeb’s father why he was now working at 7-11, after a stint at the gas pumps for Exxon. After seeing him that evening with one of the children who was sick, it was obvious he had been a very capable medical doctor in Afghanistan.  He answered in good English that to take the medical boards he would have to stop working and study for the exams in English for at least six months. He couldn’t afford financially to do that. No, the future was for his sons and daughters. The future was for Tayeb.  I looked at Tayeb and he looked back humbled and probably thinking what I had in mind. He needed to apply himself a bit more.  

I’ll never forget meeting that great man or the story that Tayeb told me later that year.  While his father was working at 7-11 late one night, 2 robbers wearing masks came in and demanded the cash from the register.  Mohammed asked them, after handing over the paper money, if they wanted the rolled coins, and maybe some cigarettes. That response to a dangerous situation  was the legacy that the father gave his family. They would be wise, calm, resilient. I’m equally sure there were many other incidences in and out of Afghanistan that taught the same lesson.  So much so that Tayeb confessed that their life story and exodus to the United States was a story that the Los Angeles Times wanted to buy, but the father refused saying it would be too dangerous for all of them if the story were told.

Although Tayeb was not diligent about school work, outside of school he did find several paying jobs.  With his charismatic persona getting hired was an easy task and so was being promoted quickly. At just 16 years of age, he was assistant manager at the area AMC movie theatre.  When I found out his latest employment and supervisory position, I congratulated him. He quickly answered that the title really meant that if someone did not come in for their shift, you were the one to clean the bathrooms and toilets.  Another time he shared with me his diplomatic skills when he diffused the situation involving a woman shaking her popcorn bag violently in the face of a concession staffer while complaining there were too many unpopped kernels in the bag.  Assistant manager Tayeb explained that Safe Food Handling Regulations prevented the staff from hand picking only fully popped kernels. 

After graduation Tayeb worked one job after another often helping other Afghans in their businesses.  When he was wait-staff in Afghan restaurants he invited his teachers to specially discounted (by him) dinners and would enjoy choosing the best dishes for them.  He had so many connections in the Afghan business community that I checked with him before buying a new mattress. Of course he had a connection. Just go and sleep on every sample mattress I wanted and be sure and get the name and model.  He asked me what I wanted to pay. I gave him an amount, $700. He delivered the mattress soon after I gave him the mattress specifics. When he came with the full-size mattress, I offered to help him carry it to the bedroom. No, thank you was the answer.  After going through the front doors, he placed it strategically on his head and walked up the narrow stairs and set it up. A year later while moving the mattress around, a sales receipt for $850 fell out. That told me he had contributed $150 of his own money to bring me the mattress I wanted.

Tayeb’s life changed completely again when his father announced that he was going back to Afghanistan. Tayeb would be in charge, Mohammed needed to be with his sick father.  Now Tayeb looked in earnest for the best job because he was responsible for his mother and six siblings. After some time he signed up with US Armed Forces as an interpreter in the Afghan war.  He did it for the money. It was a very well paying job because it was so dangerous. The Taliban considered native born interpreters for the American forces traitors and these infidels, according to the Taliban, were target #1 in any confrontation.  Tayeb spent two years helping the troops and came back unscathed, and patriotic.

He was ready with his earnings to buy a house for his family but the particular house he chose had several other families bidding as well.  So he approached the realtor when they were alone and offered him several hundred dollars to have an unforgettable lunch. The realtor was a hard worker too and probably was rarely offered this value added package.  The transaction went through smoothly, and the new house provided ample room for Tayeb’s big family.

Meanwhile in Afghanistan his dad thought it was time for Tayeb to be married so he found an educated young girl from a good family for him.  Tayeb went to meet her and married her but could not bring her back for almost two years due to the paperwork involved. When she arrived he brought her to meet me. Upon seeing and talking to her I was convinced and bold enough to say to Tayeb, “Oh, the gift your father has given you.”  Today Tayeb and his beautiful wife live in the big house with his 2 year old son. He is passionate about helping displaced Afghans, but his desire to help others often extends to anyone needing help about anything.